I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
