i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
