I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
