Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
