His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
