Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize