I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
