I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
