No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
