If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
