All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
