my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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