I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
