when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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