isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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