Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
