ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
