I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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