My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
