Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Randomize
