the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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