everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
