its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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