I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
