Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
