Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
