I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
