If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
