i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
