The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
