OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You smell like stripper and shame
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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