I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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