I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
