Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
