im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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