After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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