Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
