I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
