my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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