Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
