Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
