38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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