At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
