I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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