I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
