i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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