we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
