On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
