Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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