When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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