Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
