I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
